by: dennis
edited: author’s sister
quatro. there’s a topic I mentioned in my first post that I want to expand on. it deals with my relationship with the Holy Spirit and how I have grieved Him. this hurts just to think about.
the Person of the Holy Spirit is absolutely incredible, He is also sensitive to our actions and how we behave. becoming a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit means that your body is a sacred place as it is a temple for the Spirit of God. when we are unholy before God, we grieve and sin against Him.
Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are. I Corinthians 3:16-17 NKJV
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. I Corinthians 6:19-20 NKJV
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
why so much pain? why so much sadness? why didn’t the Holy Spirit flee from me? how can He endure so much grieving? why wasn’t I left alone to wallow in my sin? why was He always there? these are some questions I’ve wondered about.
pain. for whom? well, for God, because it hurts Him to see His children going the wrong way. like in the days of Noah, when God was grieved to see the wickedness of man.
Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.
with this verse in mind and the others that I mentioned above, God is revealed as Someone who cares about our actions and experiences pain and sorrow because of our wrongdoing. God is not merely Someone who observes from afar and is unaffected by our sin. no way. but instead, He absolutely cares, and this is demonstrated by the Holy Spirit convicting us of our sin so that we can be led to repentance. the below verse refers to Yeshua talking about the Holy Spirit.
And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment.
who else is in pain? that would be me. it pains me more now, than during my struggle. why? because in contrast to the peace that I have now, the temporary pleasure of sin, the constant torment of not confessing my struggle to someone, and living in fear was simply not worth it. during my twenties my torment and fear was amplified because I had lied to my family by not admitting that I went to a strip club on my first solo road trip. when I was sharing what happened on my trip I eventually came to the day that I had gone to the club, as I was giving them a day-by-day overview of what happened on my trip, and I admitted that I walked down the street of the red light district in New Orleans where there were clubs. after walking down that street and declining the offers to enter a club, I went to a restaurant after, which was true. but then I had a choice in my mind. do I tell my family that I went back to that street to visit a club or not? In that moment, I decided to lie and say that I didn’t go back and just went back to my Airbnb. once the sentence rolled off my tongue with the lie, I was hit with regret and a realization that at some point I will need to not only confess that I lied to my family, but also what I lied about, which was going to the strip club. I knew I was trapped. I was scared. I wanted to confess from that moment on. but I was too scared. too unsure of how my parents would respond. it’s one thing to be scared of confessing that you’ve been watching pornography, it’s another thing when you’ve taken it to the next step by going to a club. I knew this was not how I was raised. I knew that this would hurt my parents when they would find out eventually, in this case, over six years later. it pained me to know how far I drifted away from the solid teaching my parents imparted over the years. whatever fear and pain I felt before this first road trip, it paled in comparison to the fear and pain that I felt after this first road trip. six years of fear and torment is simply not worth holding on to. when I finally confessed to my family about this particular trip and the other trips I had taken, my fears and torment disappeared and there came a peace that I had not felt in a long time. a very long time. confession is worth it, no matter how much it hurts. my heart was in sorrow over what I’ve done, but sorrow is better than torment.
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
sin truly has a price. there are practical costs to the sins that are committed. I had so much fear about people finding out, especially my parents. I lived in anxiety about my life. I became hopeless. I found myself getting in a darker and darker place. there is no light in sin. none.
The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
praise God that He is faithful to forgive our sins and to cleanse us. and we can continue to walk in light.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.
this lesson of how valuable confession is has been incredible. being on the right page with God is absolutely worth it. there is no need to go another day without confessing. I pray that God will give you the grace and courage to confess whatever is on your heart just like He did for me. if He can help me, He can help you.
may you continue to seek Him. may you abide in Him and walk in His light. there is no better thing.
more stories to come. I will talk about more things God has done.
shalom.
Love Broke Through 
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