by: dennis
edited: author’s sister
half of twelve. there are moments you will remember and then there are moments that are just forever ingrained you, never to be forgotten for the rest of your life. well today, I will share one of those moments, that happened on my first solo road trip.
a little backstory to my thought process will help here. before my taking my first solo trip in 2016, I had been thinking, for like a couple of years, I want to go out and experience the world, the bars, go a little crazy and wild. and then I would come back home, repent and come back to church and God and serve God for the rest of my days. I knew at the time that this was a poor line of thinking, and that it was wrong. I knew that I needed to repent now, not later. that I needed to submit to God now, not after I experienced the “world.” I thought I needed to experience a bit of the world in order to break free from the feeling of being so sheltered. I wanted to feel like someone who’s done some stuff. whatever that was supposed to mean at the time. now that I’ve done some “stuff,” I realize that it was all just sin and foolishness. there was no gain to it. what a fool I’ve been to think like this.
my other motivation for taking this road trip was to have a sense of control in my life. as I felt that my parents controlled my life. I felt that I had no freedom to make decisions. but in fact this was actually the furthest thing from the truth because they actually gave me the freedom to make my choices and choose the direction of my life. I allowed myself to believe that the standards and expectations that had for me was a form of control. and so therefore, I wanted to break free from that supposed control. the beliefs I held in my mind about how I perceived my parents, my life were out of touch with reality. looking back now, I see the consistency of the message my parents gave to me and how poorly I interpreted it. it hurts to see how much I chose to believe the lies in my head then to believe the godly direction my parents were giving.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.
if only I had listened earlier, if only I had obeyed counsel. but I didn’t. but God’s grace is sufficient to cover the most stupid of mistakes, the dumbest ideas, the strongest lies. am I saying to keep on doing dumb stuff in sin? no. what I am saying is that, God has the grace to give you a way to pick yourself up, to break through the lies, and to give you power to live righteously, no matter how poor your thinking may be, how deep in sin, and how strong those lies. God offers you a chance to rebuild your thinking and your way of life no matter your starting point. there is no need to clean up your thinking first before you start letting God work on you. because that just won’t work. what does work is letting God begin the work and trusting Him in the process and you will see your mind renewed.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
so back to the road trip, there are two things I want to talk about. the first day on the road, which I will share below, and when God showed up, which I will discuss in next week’s post as a part two of this post.
at this time of my life, my heart was pretty numb. I repressed a lot of my negative emotions. I didn’t want to have them exist. I wished for a way to only have positive emotions without dealing with the negative emotions that I bottled up, very tightly. I also had a made a prayer to God along the lines of break this stone cold heart of mine. keep in mind, it more so felt like a layer of stone around my heart than necessarily being stone through and through. I had light in my heart that wanted to so desperately shine. but I didn’t let the world see.
‘Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.’
so, on the first day, in the first couple of hours on my trip, I got flooded with different emotions. joy. happiness. excitement. loneliness. boredom. sadness. and I realized that emotions truly exist. that I needed to accept both the positive ones and the negative ones. this flood of emotions was an answer to my prayer and is how God began to break and soften my heart. it has been a long road to get to a place where my heart is tender. but God is patient.
The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
I felt that God wanted to be back in touch with my own humanity by showing my own emotions to me in this way. to see that when I didn’t bottle myself up, I naturally allowed my emotions to run their course and I didn’t stop them from being expressed. numbing myself was not going to work anymore for the long haul, or for the short term for that matter.
Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
we all need a place and a person to pour out our hearts to. when we pour out our heart to God, He truly understands. there is no safer place to express all of the concerns and cares of our hearts. He will make a way to put your emotions in a healthy place.
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
God truly cares about what is going on in your heart. He longs to hear from you. He wants to hear your prayers. will you yield to Him? will you open your heart? He is ready. He is waiting.
may you discover more of God’s kindness as you express your heart to Him.
emotions are a good thing. its what you do with them that matters.
until next time, be blessed. and stay strong.
Love Broke Through 
Leave a comment