Love Broke Through

by: dennis

edited: author’s sister

ocho. there is another moment in my life that I will never forget. of how God expressed His emotion of sadness to me.

august of ’21. another road trip. one I hadn’t planned on taking. took this one because the rest of my family also was going on vacation, so I might as well go somewhere too. my parents for their anniversary trip. my sister for her own trip. so I came up with a trip, a road trip like usual.

I realize that I probably didn’t need to go on a trip and could have just stayed at home and had a staycation. but at the same time, who’s going to say no to a road trip. so off I went.

first stop was in Asheville. and what was I thinking about, again? visiting a strip club. why couldn’t I just take a trip without doing this? I knew the consequences. I knew it was temporary. I knew it wasn’t worth it. but the pain. I knew Who could heal me. Only God heals. and I was avoiding Him.

had a burger. alone. being alone sucks. the need for human companionship is so real. our need for God is profound. it is deeper than we will ever know. we were not created to be alone. we were created to walk with God. just like God walked with Adam in the cool of the garden, we too need fellowship with Him.

later that evening. I went bowling. and killed time. so that I could be at the club later in the night. cuz going to the club at 9 pm just feels too early. later in the darkness would be “better.” better in the most twisted sense, because who was I deceiving, no one, but me. there is nothing better about sinning in the darkness. it’s still sin. whether in the daytime or in the middle of the night. the call to honor God matters all day, everyday, wherever you are, and whoever you are with.

around 11 pm, I decided to finally go. I was hemming and hawing about my decision to go. but alas I succumbed to the temptation. on my drive to the club, about halfway there or so, I was overcome by sadness, that I knew was not from me, but from the Holy Spirit Himself. I was filled with sadness from the top of my head to the bottom of my soles. His sadness was much deeper than the sadness that I felt. it was like another layer of emotion from Him on top of my own emotions. and I understood a little more of how much this was grieving Him. I understood again, that He was telling me I could turn around. I could go back to my Airbnb and go to sleep. that temptations don’t have to be followed through.

I wanted to highlight this experience because this sadness that I felt from the Holy Spirit was different than all the other times that I’ve felt saddened by what I was doing or about to do. this moment of sadness stands alone in my memory in terms of the emotion and how deep I felt it. nothing like feeling the emotion from the Holy Spirit. God has a greater depth of emotion than we will ever know. He feels our sadness, joy, pain, grief, love, etc., much more than we feel. so what does that mean? that means He completely understands how we feel, and beyond. to say that God understands us is such an understatement that is beyond our comprehension.

we truly only get glimpses of God during our time here on earth. glimpses of His emotions, goodness, pain on the cross caused by our sin, His glory, etc.

in this portion where Moses saw the glory of God, it was because he asked God to show him His glory. in the same way we can ask Him to reveal more of Himself to us.

may you see glimpses of God’s glory on your walk with Him with the understanding that it is truly by the grace of God that He reveals Himself to you. everything in your walk with Him is to point to Messiah, in whom we have everything.

be blessed. stay focused on the race.

shalom.